My Secret Sauce for Attracting “The One”

I received an overwhelming amount of positive feedback from my Patricio post, so I decided to write a follow-up post for all my single ladies out there.

Listen, I’ve been in your shoes. Like, I was in your shoes for a really really long time before I met Patricio. I’ve dated guys that wanted nothing to do with me, guys that were obsessed with me. I’ve also literally dated every single type of guy – the homeboy, the clown, the jock, the drug addict, the hipster, the mama’s boy, the jerk, the good guy… all of ’em.

And throughout all my experience I’ve realized, when you know, you know. You won’t have to make excuses for why things aren’t going well or justify why he did a shitty thing because Mr. Right would never do anything like that. When things are meant to be, it’s a shit-free relationship. No drama, no spiteful actions, no abuse… you’re just two little love birds fluttering along.

That’s not to say things will always be rainbows and butterflies. In fact, you will 100% fight with your significant other even if he is your soulmate, but the fights are minimal and carried out respectfully.

Ok, enough about that, now onto actually finding Mr. Right…

Most of my relationships that didn’t work were because I wasn’t in a good place with myself. I either didn’t love myself enough to date someone who was worthy of my love or I was so desperate I took just about whatever relationship I could get.

Being single in your mid to late twenties is hard, I know. Your biological clock is ticking and all your friends are getting married you can’t help but feel a little pressured.

But here’s the thing: the more you search for something outside of yourself to justify you feeling like enough, the farther away from finding “the one” you become. That’s why it’s important to have other things going on besides watching the Real Housewives and swiping right on Tinder. Anytime I became obsessed with having a relationship, that’s when my relationships failed.

When I stopped looking and started going to the gym, doing yoga, focussing on my blog, and loving being by myself, that’s when Patricio was able to come in the picture and join me. And the same was true for him. He started body building at the gym, he did yoga, and he was focused on his career.

In Bethany Frankel’s book, A Place of Yes she says “two wholes are greater than the sum of their parts”. When you’re in a good place, you’re whole. When you’re in a not so good place there are parts of you that are good but that won’t be enough for a healthy relationship. Of course even the healthiest of relationships have bad times but when those bad times are few and far in between, that’s when you know you’re in a good place.

This could be an entire blog post on its own but I’ll try to describe this as simply as possible…

Every single person plays games when it comes to relationships, even if they say they don’t. You have to play the game or else you’ll lose. And I’m not talking about total mind games of manipulation and deceit. I’m also not talking about using sex appeal to get what you want. I’m talking about the game of getting him to want you… and keep you (with or without the sex appeal).

So, first you need to recognize what other girls do.

In the beginning of a relationship, some girls are reserved, relatively quiet, would never let a guy see them without makeup, eat salads and small portion meals, and keep to themselves. Then there are the other girls who think they know how to play they game but they end up losing big time.

These girls “play it cool” by pretending to be “carefree” and wanting to keep things “casual”. They’re not looking for a relationship because they have “too much going on”. These girls are the ones who subtly mention their ex, or their “wild” past with their girlfriends, pretending not to know their new manfriend can hear them. These girls also drink beer, eat pizza, and say they’re like “one of the boys”, you know, just really super “chill”.

I mean, obviously not every girl fits these two bills but this is just what I’ve seen over the years to be pretty accurate. Now if you want to be truly one of a kind and make him fall in love with you…

Just do the opposite.

I’m serious. Use the zig zag theory and that is how you play the game. While the reserved girls wouldn’t let guys see them without makeup on, I rarely wore makeup and talked about my bowel movements. Yes, I did. In fact, this is the exact strategy I used to land Patricio.

And while the cool girls were drinking beers, getting wild, and being “one of the guys”, I didn’t drink at all. Again, I’m no expert but playing the game like this has worked for me almost every time.

Part of playing the game is giving zero f*#!$. You can do this by knowing that if it’s meant to be it will be, so stop stressin’. There’s nothing you can or can’t do that will change the course of how things are going to go. Not caring how people (especially the opposite sex) perceive you is hard.

I remember I was so deeply infatuated with this boy in high school, but at first I wasn’t which is when he actually liked me back. Then as I started to care more and more about his approval, he started to slip through my fingers. I was crushed naturally but there was nothing I could do.

So, years later our paths collided again and I had a great job, I was dating other people and working out so I was in a really good place in my life and he saw that. I wasn’t concerned with what he thought at all, I was totally my goofy, weirdo self. And sure enough, he contacted me after our encounter and it was like we were in high school again, except this time, I was over it. That ship had sailed and we went our separate ways. But boy what a great feeling knowing that I was literally “the one that got away”!

Anyway, it pays just to not give a F! Listen to this song if you need reminding.

So you’ve played the game, not cared, got the man, and now you’re dating. Great! Now you want to keep the momentum going and set the tone for a healthy, happy, loving, long-lasting relationship.

My mom always told me “you teach people how to treat you” and with that in mind, whatever you want to happen in your relationship, start acting on it now so it becomes a habit for both of you.

If you want him to hold the door for you, have him hold it early on. If you want him to pay for meals, let him pay for of your dates. If you want him to come over your house, invite him over consistently. If you want to maintain your independence, reserve time out of the week for the girls.

Communicate your expectations early on so there are no surprises later. Men aren’t mind readers so unless you’re being crystal clear in your actions, you may have to spell it out for him. But whatever you do, make sure your delivery is respectful and loving otherwise you could end up sabotaging your relationship. And on that positive note…

 

What’s your secret sauce? Share in the comments below!

xx