What I’ve Learned After 4 Years in a Relationship

Today is a special day. It’s not only Valentine’s Day but it’s exactly one week after my 4 year anniversary with Patricio. 4 years, people! That’s like 100 in dog years and my longest relationship to date, which is crazy to think because honestly, it’s really not even that long. 

And like any relationship, we’ve had our ups, we’ve had our downs and there are more of both to come but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. So here’s what I’ve learned after 4 years in a relationship…

patience

If my mom’s reading this I promise you she’s laughing right now because she thinks I’m the most impatient person in the world, but I beg to differ…

In all seriousness, I think no matter how long you’ve been in a relationship you learn patience. You’re bringing two people together with different DNA, different backgrounds, and different ways of doing things so you’re destined to learn how to be patient with one another.

Right now Pat’s in school and we can’t always get to do the things we want to do because of his schedule which is frustrating at times but we work with what we have. I mean, we haven’t gone on a vacation since March 2016 so I’m patiently waiting for him to be done school so he can wine and dine me somewhere in the Caribbean, right Boogs?

Him being in school is a short term sacrifice for a long-term goal. And sometimes, more often than not, I have to remind myself when things don’t work out how I want them to it’s because the Universe has something even better planned in the future and I just need to be patient.

prioritization

Building a business is extremely time consuming, especially when you throw a full-time job, exercise routine, meditation, cooking, and social life into the mix. And I love it, I wouldn’t have it any other way but I mean, it’s 10:30pm right now and I’m on paragraph 2 of this blog post…

So with all of my “stuff” on top of the ridiculous workload Pat has from school, it’s easy to get caught up in those things that we forget to spend time together. You think just because you live with someone, you’re together all the time but that’s just not the case.

I can tell you right now, yes, we live together but we might as well be miles apart. When I blog I go in my little office and close the door while Pat sits out in the kitchen doing his schoolwork and we won’t see each other until dinner time at 7-8pm and sometimes that’s even a stretch if Pat has a late class or I have an event.

I think your twenties will really make or break a relationship because you’re still figuring things out with yourself that it can be hard to think of another person, which is why I’ve made it a point to prioritize.

When I feel I haven’t given our relationship enough attention I’ll put the laptop down and hang out with Pat and likewise when he feels he’s been buried in his books he’ll put the pencil down and come see me.

If you don’t make each other a priority you’ll get used to living separate lives and at some point you may begin to question why you’re even together in the first place which nobody wants to happen.

forgiveness

Forgiveness is still something I have a really hard time with. It’s a challenge for me to forgive people when I feel I’ve been “wronged” by them.

For example, the other day Pat accidentally punched me in the head. Yes, you read that right. He was putting on his jacket and he shoved his arm through the sleeve and it popped out and his fist hit me dead in the head.

Now to some, this might seem funny or not a big deal but I was rushing around getting ready for work and getting his shoes out of the way to open the door for him so I was already stressed and at the same time got bopped in the head.

I. Was. Pissed.

And he didn’t even apologize and that killed me. Why would he not apologize? I mean, someone runs into me, knocks me over and I apologize thinking it’s my fault so why would someone not apologize for something that is clearly their fault?

Well, there are a lot of reasons. One being, maybe he just assumed I knew he was sorry since it was an accident? Or he has a hard time taking responsibility for his actions, (not the case by the way, I’m just giving examples). Or he truly didn’t see anything wrong with what happened.

Whatever the reason may be, it’s not my place to judge him or expect an apology, so in that instance I had to forgive him no matter what. Accidentally getting hit in the head isn’t worth ending a relationship.

Truth be told, his reasoning and his behavior is none of my business. All I can control is how I react to it, which in this case wasn’t the greatest but you live and you learn.

And the more I practice forgiveness the less I’m affected by things beyond my control – it’s still a struggle but I’m working on it.

empathy

Pat is as close to a perfect boyfriend as they come, and fingers crossed he feels the same way about me, but of course there are some things we both fall short on. And what has helped me to understand why he does one thing and not another or why he doesn’t do something is through empathy.

Empathy will take you far in a relationship. It will prevent a lot of petty arguments and help you to speak your partner’s love language, which is key to a relationship’s survival.

Though now empathy is a buzz word that’s kind of just thrown around without anyone realizing what it actually means. I interpret empathy as putting myself in a person’s shoes and truly sharing in their feelings as if it’s something I’ve experienced myself.

Even though Pat and I had very different upbringings and different life experiences, I’m still able to empathize with most of his feelings today. I also understand that he handles things differently than I do which doesn’t make either one of us right or wrong, it’s just all we know.

When you know better you do better and in certain instances we both don’t know any better so we’re not able to do any better but we certainly try and that’s what matters.

So, shout out to my #1 car building, peanut butter loving, guitar playing, surfboard slinging, best friend Patricio. I love you so much.

Are you in a relationship? If so, how long have you and your boo been together? Tell me in the comments!

xx

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